HAQQ/HAJJ, Receiver

 10/30/23 2:50 AM

Returning to myself, on the way to AM today got off the R in bay ridge then on leftward wall of the car dealership left to me was a series of regular staggered blue-white lights, i looked up at the 1st one and received a fine mist of rain coming down in discrete lit dots as if all small pocketed units of weather and light suspended in /  \ shape downward three dimensional widening and beautiful walking not stopping looking up at each dealership light shining downwards i would receive the same spray, not 'spray' which seems too immediate ugly and contained but the continuous and moving current as in spray spread over time, molecules binded and coming in the unstopping and ceaseless capsule experience of one section of current witnessed. Each light and each visible iterative mist enacted a lit and contained extension of the feeling that i felt at the first. which was a white and happy wonder. this is something i have probably not felt since i went to california and since i have come back with a kind of scale or shade lowered over vision and spirit which has been a bleak, considerable dimming

It was not just a feeling but a kind of seeing and the feeling that is exacted in measured, translated temporal response of the immediate description action which is optical lensing action of visual information

I am a creature operating in thought and consideration, thought and consideration which provide me with joy and esteem, thought/consideration/joy/esteem system (self) which has been wounded in these few weeks, but i feel tonight that i am returning to myself, not in the paradoxical locking to physical and medical body that i have existing in alongside a great and sad distance from the actual:: me

I do not think i was or am actually the guilty party in either situation

Pain from schism in reconciling or preparing to reconcile something which maybe can flap open for now, beginning and extant now, allowing for trust broken and dissolving, necessary alchemical change,self reliance that does not forego/reject need/care of others, need but not needy desperate unconfirmed circumscribing seek,

 ing of an unconnective and unfaithful 

Thu Nov 2 2:06 AM

Return to those of center, i.e. ÁAM,J, C, S, K ETC.