To be heard

by accessing ths blog slotting into place how recent the patches of  my consciousness and mood and sense of self memory set carried are and how short, gassy

Saw D and M today and didnt tell them of my news and didnt feel the need to like there is no point in just sacking it all out sachering it all out or spidering it, im glad ive told the people i've told but now i felt "curdling" feeling, confused or else old buzzing and empty slaught of stacking needs, need stacking all the way up into one tall teetering intention -less tower, just needing outwards and nothing will in fact emphasize or build on the news and now time to turn back to the novel, Drinking not a fun answer or a solid one but just a known quantity, it is known where it will go, what will become ofme, what girlish sliver is left to flake silvery through streets drunk, Not to quantify but some people feel better to be around than others, there is lack of a self-conscious/painful falsity around those who "we are the same", early dubbing of "Friendship", what troubled me, jokey bracketing of perceived similarity in meme-transfigurative empty speech, i despise that, i sent my story just to impress, wht is that impulse.... Feel ashamed of that impulse, note (i note) the missing I, I do want S to read it though, though.there are some where it feels the reaction is subpar or missing probably because i did not want that reaction in the first plac,e, did not need it, I work on my novel, i act and believe i am more insecure than i am, things trouble me and i am unsure why though i know why and have come to conclusions as to why before, Keeping myself..

feel pretty good right now feel glad and feel that the day fizzled out a little in non-control then Upswing somewhere in K pizza

 

 Italicized Mon Oct 30 1:24:34 AM as Demarcator of Time

<3, truly, it is A/OK